A while ago I posted about things that I don’t understand. Now I want to mention some things that I do understand. Specifically, things I have learned never to do. Some of these I learned by doing, others I learned by seeing others do them.
- Never assume your wife or girlfriend is telling the truth when she says, “I don’t want you to buy me anything.”
- Never try to pet a goose…Ouch!
- Never eat dinner while watching Bones.
- Never hit an empty spray paint can with an axe. (I didn’t do this one)
- Never give treats with artificial coloring to a pet who is prone to vomiting on the carpet.
- Never eat White Castle hamburgers if you have a long drive ahead of you.
- Never shake a ketchup bottle without first checking if the cap is tight.
- Never put Pop Tarts in a toaster with a broken timer. (I think rocket fuel is the main ingredient).
- Never drink from a garden hose without letting it run first…yuck!
- Never put up a ladder and climb to the roof without first checking for a bees’ nest. Talk about a double whammy.
- Never use a skim board if you are overweight and over 40.
- Never jump into a pool at night without first checking the depth.
- And finally, never talk politics unless you are “preaching to the choir.”
Of course, there are plenty of other things but I have to stop somewhere. Leave a reply if you would like to add to the list.
Always check the lid on the salt shaker
…and the toilet seat.