13 Things Never To Do

A while ago I posted about things that I don’t understand. Now I want to mention some things that I do understand. Specifically, things I have learned never to do. Some of these I learned by doing, others I learned by seeing others do them.

1. Never assume your wife or girlfriend is telling the truth when she says, “I don’t want you to buy me anything.”
2. Never try to pet a goose…Ouch!
3. Never eat dinner while watching Bones.
4. Never hit an empty spray paint can with an axe. (I didn’t do this one)
5. Never give treats with artificial coloring to a pet who is prone to vomiting on the carpet.
6. Never eat White Castle hamburgers if you have a long drive ahead of you.
7. Never shake a ketchup bottle without first checking if the cap is tight.
8. Never put Pop Tarts in a toaster with a broken timer. (I think rocket fuel is the main ingredient).
9. Never drink from a garden hose without letting it run first…yuck!
10. Never put up a ladder and climb to the roof without first checking for a bees’ nest. Talk about a double whammy.
11. Never use a skim board if you are overweight and over 40.
12. Never jump into a pool at night without first checking the depth.
13. And finally, never talk politics unless you are “preaching to the choir.”

Of course, there are plenty of other things but I have to stop somewhere. Leave a reply if you would like to add to the list.